Aalborg Hammer
2:36 Thu Mar 14
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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A bloke comes home from work * and says to his wife "Do you want to try a new sex position? " "OK" she says "What do I have to do?"
He says "It's called the wheelbarrow - take all your clothes off and lie on the floor face down - I'll pick your legs up, enter you from behind and you set off walking on your hands"
"OK" she says "but don't go past my Mum's house"
*Not the same bloke as the flavoured condom joke
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MaryMillingtonsGhost
1:21 Thu Mar 7
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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Koi fish always travel in groups of four.
If attacked, Koi A, B and C will scatter, leaving behind the D Koi.
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Aalborg Hammer
1:10 Wed Mar 6
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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I got a call from my son's school today...
"Hello ,is that Mr.Jenkins?"
"Yes ,how can I help??"
"Hi,this is little Billy's music teacher"
"Oh-hello"
"Yeah hi,I just wanted to let you know it looks like you have a little Elvis Presley on your hands"
"Really ?? Wow!!"
"Yeah- we found him dead on the toilet"
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Aalborg Hammer
2:38 Tue Mar 5
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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I bought an old Elvis record from the market “Wooden Leg”
I said to the store owner, “ I thought he sang Wooden Heart?”
He said "No...This is the pirate version"
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Aalborg Hammer
2:34 Tue Feb 27
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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Dogs can't operate MRI machines - cats can
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Briano
4:35 Sat Feb 24
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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Knock knock
Who’s there
Impatient cow
ImpatMOO
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OK_Guy
2:00 Sat Feb 24
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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what do you call a blind German?
...a 'not see'
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Aalborg Hammer
12:41 Sat Feb 24
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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Bloke comes home from work and says to his wife " Do you fancy a sex game??" " Ok" she says " What do I have to do?" He says "I've got a box of flavoured condoms,all you've got to is guess which is which" She dives under the table and says " Cheese and onion?" He says " Hold on,I haven't put one on yet"
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arsene york-hunt
9:07 Thu Feb 22
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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My all time favourite from Tommy Cooper:
They say 1 in 5 of the world's population is Chinese.
Well there are 5 in my family.
There's Mum and Dad, Me my brother Dave and my other brother Chang Lee..........
I think it's Dave
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joyo
3:07 Thu Feb 22
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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Why does the modern day Italian navy buy glass bottomed ships?
So that they can see the old Italian navy.
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boleyn8420
1:19 Thu Feb 22
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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How do you tell when a clock is hungry
It goes back four seconds
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chim chim cha boo
4:48 Thu Feb 22
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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I used to cringe at some of the shitty jokes on here but now look back with nostalgia, realising that you are keeping the memory of dear old Ted Fenton, king of the shit joke +and the weather forecast) alive, God bless him.
So carry on boys.
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Mike Oxsaw
1:42 Thu Feb 22
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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I dreamt last night that I had Alzheimer's.
Woke up this morning, couldn't remember a thing.
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mtchammer
7:57 Wed Feb 21
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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I guessed orange but it was chocolate; I guessed toffee but it was peanut; I guessed strawberry but it was coffee.
I was wrong on so many Revels.
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Aalborg Hammer
1:25 Wed Feb 21
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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My dad wanted his ashes pressed into a record.
It was his vinyl request.
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Aalborg Hammer
3:11 Thu Jan 11
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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Millennials are pissing me off - walking around like they rent the place
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onfiresquire
8:48 Sat Dec 30
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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What's the difference between jam and marmalade?
You can't marmalade your cock up your girlfriend's arse
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Helmut Shown
4:14 Sat Dec 30
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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A boy asks his mother “Mum, how does a buffalo mate?”
The mother replies “I don’t know son, you’re father’s a Mason”
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Bungo
1:52 Wed Dec 20
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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*race even...
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Bungo
1:52 Wed Dec 20
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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Late entry from Ladbaby for the reace to the Christmas number 1.
Apparently this year's song is to be 'The Fairytale of Tubed Pork'.
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Helmut Shown
6:55 Wed Dec 13
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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A young female hippopotamus was grazing in the grasslands by the forest. She hears an almighty crash as two trees fall down very close to her. She looks into the forest and sees a large white rhino with a look of thunder on his face. The hippo says "hold up why did you do that you could have killed me?" He bashfully replies " I'm so sorry, i didn't realise you were there. I'm an endangered species and I've never had a girlfriend let alone had sex"
"Well" says the hippo " Our species are very similar you could shag me"
"Great" says the rhino and climbs up her back. "Forgive me" he says " I don't even know your name"
"It's Elsie" she replies "and what's your name" she asks
"It's Neil" the rhino replies
"Oh" says the hippo " the other hippos won't believe me when I tell them I've just had sex with Rhino Neil"
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